Ponderings

Profound quotes by Brene Brown I heard today (to refer and respond to later):

The most compassionate people also have the most well defined and well respected boundaries. They assume that other people are doing the best they can, but they also ask for what they need and they don’t put up with a lot of crap. Boundaries are hard esp when you want to be liked. Compassionate people ask for what they need and say no when they need to and when they say yes they mean it. They’re compassionate because their values keep them out of resentment. How can we expect people to put value on our work when we don’t value ourselves enough to set and hold uncomfortable boundaries?

The trick to staying out of resentment is maintaining better boundaries. Blaming others less and holding myself more accountable for asking for what I need and want.

There is no integrity in blaming and turning to “it’s not fair” and “I deserve.”  I need to take responsibility for my own well being. If I believed I was not being treated fairly or not getting something I deserved, was I actually asking for it? Or, was I just looking for an excuse to assign blame and feel self-righteous?

I am trying not to numb my discomfort from myself, because I think I am worth that effort. It’s not something that’s happening to me; it’s something I’m choosing for myself.

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As miserable as resentment and disappointment make us feel, we fool ourselves into believing that they are easier than the vulnerability of a difficult conversation. Judgment and anger take up way more emotional bandwidth for us.

People are doing the best they can. We stop respecting and evaluating people based on what we think they should accomplish and start respecting them for who they are and holding them accountable for what they’re actually doing. Stop loving people for who they could be and start loving people for who they are.